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From the desk of Tammy Hayes, Middle School Principal:

Middle School students are notoriously chameleon when it comes to expressing their feelings. They typically take on the mood and the temperature of all that is around them. This is developmentally understandable as their swings are up and down and cover a vast array of topics from boy-girl crushes to too much homework to feeling like they never have anywhere to go for fun without their parents.

As we approach the spring, here is a gentle reminder to beware of the groanings that are often entirely emotional and not really given very much thought at all. If they were kindergarteners, we would say they are whiney and need a nap, or if they were twelfth graders, we might say they have senioritis. Instead they are in the middle, and it is helpful to remember that this is just a phase, a season, and an opportunity to love them through the emotional drag that comes about this time of the school year.

A few gentle reminders for when you hear the middle school groanings:

1) The process of learning is as important as the content.

Life lessons involve understanding the 鈥渉ow to do” as much as the 鈥渨hat to learn!鈥� Students have to accept that they are in the process of learning what not to do and when to do things as much as any other learning being thrown at them. Sometimes they need reminding that having to figure things out is natural and expected.

2) We don鈥檛 expect them to be perfect, EVER.

Perfection is not the goal. Sometimes their complaints are from thinking that we are expecting something more than they can give. Our ability to communicate that our desire is to see them do something well and to the best of their ability is key in guiding them through this moment. Learning from it, applying it to their next situation, and accepting the wrong they did in a matter are the real lessons we hope are caught.

3) The last leg of the race is the hardest and their opportunity to win.

Stealing from this track analogy has always served me well. Any good long distance runner knows that you have to give your best all along the race, but you must save a little kick for the end in order to have a chance to win. If you get a defeatist attitude and/or begin looking behind you to gage your performance in light of others, you鈥檙e doomed and not likely to win or even beat your personal best. Students will sometimes get a sprinter鈥檚 mentality when the school year is more like running the mile. They need a gentle reminder to hang tough, regroup, and give the end of the race a really hard kick in order to finish well.

4) Your words of affirmation instead of redirection can really make the difference.

When your student comes home and everything is gloom and doom, remembering poor little Eyore is a good word picture. You might be tempted to give a pep-talk or reprimand for having such a sour attitude, but simply telling them all the things you see that they are doing right will offer the pick-me-up they are seeking. They sometimes just need to vent and feel our love not hear our thoughts. Empathetic statements go a long way to encourage, and I鈥檝e found much more effective than suggestions or my own thoughts of how they 鈥榮hould鈥� be interpreting life. They know what we think, but keep misinterpreting how we feel.

When we wrap our arms around them and remind them how much we believe in them, they feel our response and know that they have an ally. That is good medicine for every teen. Heck, that鈥檚 good medicine for moms and dads as well!